


Colour Blind

by Nadja_Lee



Category: X-Men (Movieverse)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, Falling In Love, Family Feels, Fluff, Friendship, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Love, M/M, Possessive Behavior, Protectiveness, Referenced Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2001-10-04
Updated: 2001-10-04
Packaged: 2021-02-20 07:26:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22945318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nadja_Lee/pseuds/Nadja_Lee
Summary: Logan finds out Scott is colour blind and discover some painful truths about his past, making Logan realize his true feelings for Scott.
Relationships: Logan & Scott Summers, Logan (X-Men)/Scott Summers
Comments: 4
Kudos: 207





	1. Colour Blind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scott has a talk with Logan about pain and colours

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Anika and Cristina for the Beta!
> 
> / indicates flashback/

**Colour Blind**

Part 1:

Scott went down the dark corridor in the X-mansion towards the kitchen. It was three in the morning and the house was quiet. He ran a hand through his hair. Why had he been dreaming about his foster father, now of all times? He thought he was over having nightmares about it. But the dream had seemed so real. The feelings of loneliness and fear were still so strong in him that he had been unable to go back to sleep. He hasn't spoken to anyone about his past, not even Jean. He preferred it like that. The Professor knew of course. He had been the one to find him; the one to rescue him.

He reached the kitchen and was surprised to find the lights on. Instantly his hand went to the side of his head only to remember that he was wearing his night goggles and not his visor.

"Wow, One-Eye. Relax. It's me," Logan grunted as Scott came towards the table and could see that the Canadian was indeed back. Scott's hand fell to the side.

"Logan, you're back," Scott said surprised.

"Looks like it, doesn't it, One-Eye?" Logan grunted.

/ You are nothing to me but a worthless One-eyed freak./

Scott shook his head to make those memories go away but as always when Logan called him that memories like it kept returning and gave him a very short leash with Logan. Scott said nothing and went to the cupboard and took out a cup for his coffee.

"Take mine with you. It's the blue one," Logan said from the table, his head once more in the newspaper he had been reading when Scott came in.

Scott looked at the cups and glasses in the cupboard. He could recognise his own cup from it's shape and the logo on the front but which one was Logan's? He'll be damned if he admitted he couldn't even find a cup! Think logical, he thought. Okay, so what would Logan's cup look like? It was probably big and without logos. He looked though the cups and found a big cup without logo. He turned it over in his hand. Could be this one but... What the Hell does it matter anyway? A cup is a cup. He hated making mistakes or feel vulnerable so he sat Logan's cup in front of him without looking at him and then seated himself across from him. Logan and him could not be said to be the best of friends but right now all he needed was someone to be with so he could keep the memories at bay, which threatened to overpower him even now.

" Where did you go to school?" Logan growled and forced Scott's attention back at him. "This is green…" he help up the cup Scott had brought him "...and this is blue," he pointed at his jacket.

" Yeah, so what? A cup is a cup," Scott said, hiding his vulnerability behind anger.

That kid was impossible, Logan thought and shook his head while leaving the kitchen.

Part 2:

" Scott, give me the white glasses, would you?" Jean asked him the next morning.

" Sure," Scott answered and looked into the cupboard.

He thought back to two days earlier. All the white glasses are in the dishwasher, Ororo had said when they had prepared a picnic for the children. Scott had made sure he had been the one to empty the dishwasher and had put the glasses in the left upper corner. When first he remembered the shape and logo on the glasses he did not have to remember them like this but the glasses were newly brought. Scott found the glasses and started making the table. Soon the kitchen was full with children and the day's top topic was Logan's return.

Logan was popular among the students. Not that very many of them really knew him because only Rogue did, but through Rogue's tales Logan had become as an invincible superman to most of the kids. When Logan joined the breakfast table a little after Jean had telepathically called to breakfast Rogue had reserved a seat for him and she joyously began telling him all about what she had been doing while he was away. When breakfast was over the kids began going to classes and Scott went to teach his first class that day, in mathematics.

Part 3:

This really had to stop. Scott did not get much sleep these days and once again he was on his way to the kitchen in the middle of the night. This time he wasn't so surprised as before to see Logan sitting by the table.

" Logan," Scott said as a way of greeting and briefly wondered why Logan wasn't in bed either; was he haunted by bad dreams as well?

" Scott," Logan answered softly and Scott nearly dropped the mug of coffee he was holding.

Logan never called him Scott. He became worried for him. They may not be friends but Logan was a part of the team and Scott had come to accept that.

" Something wrong?" Scott asked as he seated himself across from Logan and with a small smile put a blue (at least he hoped it was blue) cup of coffee next to Logan.

After breakfast Scott had simple asked Rogue which cup was Logan's and she of course knew. She seemed to know more about Logan than any of them even now when his presence in her mind was disappearing.

" S' nothing," Logan said but when he saw Scott's disbelieving look he added, " Ok, so I had a bad dream. Nothing new in that."

With his eyes Logan dared Scott to make any kind of comment about it. Scott looked sympathetic but just nodded. For a long time they just sat in comforting silence.

When Scott was about to leave Logan said, "Black was better than green, I suppose," and held up the cup with a small smile.

" Be glad it isn't pink," Scott answered, his tone sharp but his eyes soft.

Part 4:

Once again Scott went to the kitchen at night. Over the last two weeks he and Logan had met there every night and talked. It was as if the night made a shelter for them. When they sat and talked, well, Logan did most of the talking, they were freed from the roles they played in the daylight. They had a truce at nighttime that never lasted into daylight. Scott wasn't sure why.

" Logan," Scott said and smiled at the other man. He was beginning to look forward to these nightly meetings.

" I made coffee this time," Logan said and Scott seated himself across from him. "And I found my blue cup," he added with a meaningful glance at Scott.

Scott nodded and gave a small smile.

" I can see that."

For a moment they sat in silence. Scott waited for Logan to start talking. The last nights Logan had told him of his dreams and the pain in them. Scott had been surprised to learn this of Logan because like most of the children he had gotten a mental picture of Logan as a man who did not know pain and who had no problems. A real Superman. How wrong he had been. Scott had been saddened to learn that Logan remembered so little about himself. It had to be very annoying to not even know your own last name.

" Scott," Logan's voice brought him back to the present and Scott waited for Logan to continue. " Scott, this cup isn't blue. It's grey," Logan said softly and nodded to the cup.

Scott looked confused. Whatever he had thought Logan would say this wasn't it. He knew he was trapped. The cup could be either blue or grey. If he said he knew it was grey and it was blue he confirmed Logan's suspicions and if he said it was blue and it really was grey he did the same. Damn, he had underestimated Logan, something he vowed never to do again. Scott looked into Logan's eyes and wished he knew what colour they were.

" So, I can't see colours. No big deal," he said uncomfortably.

" Does the others know?"

" No and I prefer it that way. Only the Professor knows," Scott said, hoping Logan would understand.

" Have you ever been able to see colours?" Logan asked him curiously.

" Once."

_Getting information out of this kid is more difficult than talking with me_ , Logan thought darkly.

" So, how old were you?"

"Five," Scott said and the pain in his voice let Logan know that there was far more to the story than this.

" Do you even remember colours?"

Scott thought for a moment before he replied, "I know what colour things are supposed to have, like the sea is blue but I can't picture the colour in my head."

Scott had never told anyone this and was surprised that he shared it with Logan but he felt safe with Logan. He felt protected.

Scott looked so vulnerable and young in that moment that Logan regretted having forced him to tell him. But more than anything he was surprised by the power of his own feelings. His own desire to make Scott's pain go away and an even stronger desire to protect him.

" The glasses only lets you see in red, hmm?" Logan asked softly and Scott nodded.

Logan reached out his hand and placed it over Scott's. Scott looked down at their hands and gave Logan's hand a gentle squeeze.

" Thank you," Scott said so softly that only Logan with his supernatural hearing could hear it.

" You're welcome," Logan mumbled.

For a long time the two men just sat in the kitchen, forming a bond stronger than words. A bond built from shared pain and lost dreams. A bond becoming something more, something purer. For the first time Logan and Scott did not part at dawn but was still sitting in the kitchen as Ororo as the first came down to prepare breakfast. She smiled at them as she saw them and greeted them with a happy good morning. Things had suddenly taken a turn to the better; Ororo was sure of it.


	2. Marked By Darkness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scott has a talk with Logan about his past.

Part 1:

" Morning," Scott said as he came down to breakfast and saw Logan and Rogue already there.

It was 07:20 in the morning, on a Saturday, so he had thought he would be the only one up. It seemed that both Logan and Rogue were early risers as well. Jean had never been a morning person but that had only been one of many ways where they had been different.

Their relationship had started to fall apart before Logan had first come to the mansion but after he had returned they had both faced the truth and Scott had moved into his own room not far from Logan's. Somehow the thought of having the other man near comforted him.

" Mornin', Sugah" Rogue said with a smile as she stopped her tale of Remy's advances towards her from last night which was probably just as well, as Logan looked ready to strangle the boy as he had just heard Remy had picked a flower for Rogue and had wanted a kiss in return.

" Mornin'" Logan growled but his lips curved in a small smile at seeing the other man. They shared a bond forged by shared pain so strong he had yet to fully understand it.

" I made coffee," Logan said with a smirk at this their private joke and Scott smiled one of his rare smiles at him and Logan felt a warmth spread through his body.

" Ah have to go to the gallery of French art from the 1778's as someone.." Rogue gave Scott a meaningful look but he just gave her a perfect 'Who me?' gesture. " has given us a report due in on Thursday on English literature, in which we have to investigate the influence French Art in that period had on English writing. Wanna come with me?" She asked of Logan and smiled one of whose 'Please Daddy' smiles at Logan which he couldn't resist.

" Alright. Are you coming, Slim?" Logan asked and cast a look at Scott.

" Sure, sounds interesting."

Part 2

Rogue took hold of Logan's hand with her own gloved one and as Scott walked up on the other side of her she took his hand in the other and dragged them both with her to the ticket stand at the art gallery.

" Yes?" The man asked and eyed Rogue's long gloves on a warm day and Scott's visor. Logan felt more than saw both Rogue and Scott's discomfort and he gave the man a warning look as he paid for the tickets.

" You want family discount, sir?" The man asked as Logan was about to go, having one hand inside Rogue's much smaller hand and the other around Scott's shoulders.

" Hmm?" Logan asked confused. Family? He looked at Rogue and Scott. Yeah, this was his family. His pack. He walked back and agreed to the discount and they entered the gallery.

Scott seemed to know a lot about the specific time period they were looking at French artwork from and kindly shared his knowledge with Logan and Rogue. Rogue was happy to get some more hints to use in her report and Logan was just glad to hear Scott talk about a subject which clearly interested him.

" Hey look. It's a mutie," someone said and Logan saw Scott stiffen and Rogue look around in fright.

As Logan turned around he saw a gang of some six young men pointing towards Scott and Rogue. They were wearing leather jackets with the local gang member symbol.

" Hey, freak. Didn't you read the sign? No animals allowed," one said and they all laughed while Rogue was close to tears and Scott set his jaw, a common sign of annoyance or pain.

Logan eased Rogue and Scott behind him and began to advance on the young man who had just spoken.

" Logan, you really don't have to..." Scott began in a calming voice.

" Yes, I do. They hurt my family; they hurt me," Logan growled and reached the group.

" Havin' fun?" Logan asked the man in an almost civilised tone.

" Who the fuck are you?" One of the humans asked, feeling brave when he was with his friends.

Logan quickly glanced around and when he saw that there were no one else in the room but the six men and Scott, Rogue and himself, he leaned closer to the other man and whispered;

" Someone who don't like you much, bub" and with that claws appeared from his hands and he held a clawed hand under the man's chin.

" Oh, shit" one of the men mumbled and they all ran from the room.

" Hey man, I meant nothin' with it. Really," the man he held at claw point said nervously.

" It meant something to my friends. Apologise and I'll let you live," a evil gleam appeared in Logan's eyes as his protective instincts took over and he added darkly, " Maybe"

" I'm sorry, man, " the man said as sweat ran down his face in fear.

Logan nodded satisfaction but still pushed the claw deeper into the man's chin.

" Logan, don't," Scott said softly and laid a calming hand on his shoulder. For a moment Logan seemed to fight with himself.

" Ah, he isn't worth it," Logan growled and removed his hand from the man's chin but did a fast motion with his other clawed hand.

Before their eyes the man's clothes fell from his body, leaving him in boxers with Goofy on them. The young man turned as red as Scott's visor and ran out, Scott, Logan and Rogue's laughter following him.

Part 3

" Logan, hand me that spanner will you?" Scott asked as he lay beneath the Black Bird, the X-men's jet, trying to figure out why she didn't want to start. Logan had offered to help him but so far had done little more than complain about the Cajun's attention towards HIS Marie, the girl who was like a daughter to him.

" Sure. And can you believe Marie agreed to go out with him again? When I see him again..." Logan said as he handed Scott the spanner.

" Yeah," Scott just said, not really listening.

Just having Logan near made Scott feel good. Made him fell protected. Made him forget the loneliness which he so often felt.

" And then she said that..." Logan continued.

 _Hmm, maybe I should change this one. Or it could be that one_ , Scott thought as he used his mutant ability to calculate complex mathematical problems in his mind, to try and figure out why the jet didn't start. He got an idea and came forth from beneath the jet.

" ...you know what I mean?" Logan asked as Scott emerged.

" Yeah, I agree," Scott said, having not really heard what he had said but wanting to offer his support none the less.

Scott walked over to the shelves in the garage where paint, repair parts and some other stuff stood. He reached for one of the top shelves to get the box he wanted. As he made a grab for it a can with some kind of liquid fell down and splashed all over Scott's torso, shoulders and started running down his back.

" Ahhhh!" Scott screamed in agony as the substance burned his skin.

" Scott!" Logan yelled, concerned, and came to him and without further ado lifted him up in his arms and carried the other man to the bathroom in the garage, ignoring the burning the substance did to his own skin as he touched Scott.

It had to be some kind of acid, Logan decided as he clenched his teeth closely together not so much against his own pain but because Scott's screams of pain cut his heart and made him want to scream for him.

" Relax. I got you. Everything will be okay," Logan mumbled softly as he gently laid the now still man on the floor in the shower cabinet.

Scott winced in pain, barely conscious. Logan turned the water on and let it wash over Scott to remove the liquid from his body.

" Come on. We got to get you out of these clothes," Logan said, making sure to keep his voice soft and calming as he reached for Scott's shirt.

" Nooo," Scott mumbled weakly and drew away from him.

" Scott, it's okay. I'm not going to hurt you," Logan said a little confused.

The man was in pain and barely conscious yet still he didn't want Logan to remove his shirt. Strange. Logan reached for him again and Scott tried to draw away from him again but was too weak.

" I won't hurt you," Logan promised as he let a claw appear from his right hand. Scott didn't even flinch.

" I...trust...you," Scott rasped weakly and Logan couldn't help but smile at hearing that.

With a quick motion he tore Scott's shirt to pieces and removed it so the water could wash Scott's bare chest. Logan noticed his beauty but also some strange scars on Scott's chest and arms. The marks on his arms were round and small like burn holes while the scars on his chest were striped which seemed to originate from his back.

Suddenly the room was filled with people led by Jean who must have telepathically heard Scott's scream of pain. Jean pushed him out of her way as she came to Scott, who had now lost consciousness. Logan stayed in the room, never letting Scott out of his sight and as Jean took him to sickbay Logan went with him.

Part 4

After Jean had treated Scott and wrapped a bandage around his chest, Logan had returned to Scott's bedside and stayed there to keep watch over him. Jean had said it wasn't serious and that he'd soon wake up but Logan was still worried.

 _Please, wake up. Please_ , he prayed silently not really knowing to whom he prayed and took hold of Scott's hand, holding it between his much larger ones.

" Uh,...Logan?" Scott asked weakly as he came to.

" Yeah, I'm here," Logan said softly and stroked some of Scott's brown hair out of his shaded eyes.

Scott smiled at him.

" You stayed," Scott said in joy and wonder.

" Of course. But next time let me get the stuff, ok?" Logan asked with a grin that hid his concern and Scott nodded.

Logan got serious again as he remembered the scars on Scott's chest.

" The marks I saw...What happened?" He asked softly with barely controlled anger.

If that son of a bitch who had hurt Scott was still alive he wouldn't be for much longer. Even if it had been Magneto who Xavier obviously had a weakness for he'd make sure his mate was safe. No harm would come to his family. Not as long as Logan still breathed!

To Logan surprise Scott turned his head away from him.

" It's nothing," Scott whispered but the pain and sadness in his voice belied his words.

" Scott, I saw it! I know it is not nothing," Logan protested hotly.

Scott turned back towards him and gently stroked his cheek as he said, " Please, don't ask questions which I can not answer."

" Can't? ...Or won't?" Logan asked as he caught hold of Scott's hand.

" I...can't. Please, don't ask it of me," Scott whispered pained as he drew his hand away and out of Logan's grip, his voice speaking the volumes his words did not.

Part 5

" Jeannie said she'll let you go today so I'll..." Logan began as he entered Scott's room in sickbay where he had been since yesterday.

Scott stood next to the bed dressed in trousers, his bare back towards him as he tried to tie his shoes.

" Logan!" Scott said surprised and quickly turned around to face him but too late.

" My God!" Logan whispered in horror and shock. Scott's entire back was criss-crossed with a fine network of small white scars. The abuse had been so often that not a single space of his back was left unmarked.

" Who did this?" Logan asked, his voice harsh and low.

Logan hated any kind of abuse but this was cruelty done against HIS Scott. His family. Just the thought made his blood boil in rage.

Scott avoided his gaze and said softly, " It happened a long time ago."

" Who?" Logan demanded to know, his voice tight with barely controlled anger. He needed to know if that bastard was alive and if he was he sure wouldn't be for long.

" My foster father," Scott mumbled and something in his voice made Logan come towards him and take him into his embrace.

" It wasn't your fault," Logan whispered and stroked his hair as he felt Scott cling to him as a drowning man to a lifejacket.

" I know," Scott whispered against his chest.

" It wasn't your fault," Logan repeated and drew a little back and took a hand under Scott's chin, forcing him to meet his gaze to read the truth there.

" I...I," Scott's voice broke down and Logan took him in his arms, letting him cry after so many years without a single tear shed.

Logan mumbled calming words and gently stroked his back. As the tears stilled somewhat Logan guided Scott to the bed and set next to him, holding on to his hand.

" What happened?" He asked softly, needing to know.

" My...my parents died when I was four. I was taken to a orphanage but at five I was given to a foster father," he looked at Logan as if he wanted to know if he should continue or not but Logan smiled encouraging to him and gently squeezed his hand.

" I began to have headaches and Jack, my foster father, had a real hot temper which didn't make things better," his voice had taken up a strange edge as if he was talking about someone else and not his own life. Maybe he needed to tell it like that to save his sanity.

Scott looked at Logan again and Logan damned those red glasses as it prevented him from seeing if there were tears in the other man's eyes or not.

" Remember I told you I got my powers when I was five?" Scott asked and Logan nodded.

" Jack wasn't pleased to say the least about having a mutant as a foster child," Scott face twisted in pain and Logan wanted to do anything to ease that pain he must have felt. But more than anything else; he wished to kill Jack in a thousand different and horrible ways.

" I wasn't born without the ability to control my optic blasts. Jack hit me too hard that year and my head knocked into an iron pole. A brain injury caused by that blow prevents me from controlling my powers," Scott's voice was even again but with a sadness and bitterness so strong it made Logan wince.

" He did this to you?" Logan asked shocked and nodded to Scott's glasses. " Prevented you from ever seeing colours?" Scott just nodded.

" And the marks? That was him too, wasn't it? The marks on your back as from a whip and the burns..." Logan took hold of Scott's right arm and looked more closely at the burns on it. " Like from...cigarettes!" Logan muttered as he recognised the marks. A single tear rolled down Scott's cheek and Logan gently wiped it away.

" I'm sorry I made you remember it all again," Logan said softly and drew Scott into his embrace, stroking his hair.

" I remember every day. You don't know what I'd give to not remember like you; no memories at all. Total peace," Scott whispered in a dreamy yet pained tone by Logan's shoulder.

" I wouldn't wish that 'cause then we'll probably never have met," Logan said gently and planted a soft kiss on the top of Scott's head. " Thank you for sharing."

" Thank you for listening," Scott whispered softly. " And I'm sorry you had to see that."

That made Logan stiffen. " What do you mean?"

" My...back. I know I'm ugly," Scott mumbled against Logan's chest.

" What?" Logan drew a little back so he could see Scott's face but he refused to meet Logan's eyes.

" Look at me," Logan asked softly and slowly Scott lifted his gaze to look at him.

" You're the most beautiful man I have ever seen," Logan said gently.

" Don't. Don't lie to me," Scott's voice was weak, pained.

" I'm not. So you're no supermodel but neither am I. No matter what you looked like you'll still be beautiful to me. True beauty comes from within and I have seen your heart and it shines more brightly than anyone's. That's true beauty," Logan's voice was soft and his eyes let him know that he was telling the truth.

" No, my friend. True beauty is to be within your love. A part of your family," Scott whispered and laid his head on Logan's shoulder again and Logan stroked his hair.

They sat like that for a long time, taking comfort in the other's closeness.

The sun wandered over the sky and bathed them in its light, Logan making sure he shaded Scott so the direct sunlight didn't reach him as it would hurt him because it powered his blasts. Ororo went past out in the hallway and saw the two men bathed in light and smiled to herself. Things was really getting better and better. Today she'd let the sun shine the entire day to celebrate love, friendship and bonds forged so strong that nothing could break them. Not even pain or death.


	3. Nightmares And Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scott has a talk with Logan about his nightmares…and dreams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's note: This one is for Jemisard who asked for this.
> 
> Note: I wrote this ages ago (as can be seen by the date) so please forgive the writing. However though I had forgotten about this one several others had not and wrote me as much; thank you all for that. This is for you and I hope you like it.
> 
> Thanks so much to Estelle for the Beta and kind suggestions to how I could improve this story. Thanks, lov. As always you were right *smiles*

Part 1:

Logan awoke by the sound of a human voice. Without his supernatural hearing he would never have heard it. He lay still in bed, waiting to hear it again.

" Nooo…Don't…Stop," the voice was weak and filled with suffering.

It cut Logan's heart, especially as he recognized it as Scott's voice. Without thinking he ran out into the corridor dressed only in his boxers. His thoughts were simple; he needed to ease Scott's suffering. No one should hurt HIS Scott. No one. Not even in dreams. Scott was a part of his family, his pack, and if anyone wanted to hurt him they would have to go through Logan first.

Logan quickly reached Scott's room as it was right next to his, something that had given Logan great comfort as he would then be more able to watch over his family especially now when Rogue had her own room just on the other side of his. As Logan entered Scott's room he saw Scott lying curled up in a ball on the bed, mumbling small unintelligent words of suffering. Logan was torn between wanting to kill the man who had dared hurting HIS Scott, his mate, and taking Scott in his arms, comforting him. His love won over his anger and Logan carefully went to the bed and sat by Scott's bedside. Scott didn't seem to notice him even though his head was turned in his direction but Logan couldn't see if his eyes were closed or not because of Scott's red night goggles. He was still curled up in a ball, whispering words as if in great pain. Logan reached out a hand to touch Scott but he jerked back, caught in his own world of misery and pain. Logan was painfully reminded of how wrapped up in his own nightmarish dreams he could become; so caught in his own mind that he one time not long after he had met Rogue had almost killed her when she had tried to wake him from his dream.

" I'm not gonna hurt you," Logan said in as gentle a voice as he could.

Very slowly Logan reached out his hand but lay it next to Scott's head. For a long while nothing happened and Logan felt himself losing hope. Scott seemed to fear him, something that Logan had thought could never happen.

Scott was caught in a world that existed only in his mind and memories. It was a world filled with darkness and only withdrawal from the outside could protect him. If he curled up and tried to look as small as possible, maybe he wouldn't get noticed and there would be no pain. Suddenly a hand reached for him and Scott drew back in fear. He had been found. His heart pumped faster in fear as Scott waited for the pain that would surely follow. But there was no pain, only a gentle voice saying calming words. In his confused, half asleep and nightmare trapped mind nothing had come into focus but that voice did. He knew that voice. The owner of the voice had never hurt him and somehow Scott was sure he never would. Slowly, Scott opened his eyes and reached out for him.

So slowly that it took a while for Logan to notice it, Scott moved his right hand towards Logan's and when he finally reached it Logan opened his palm. Hesitantly Scott lay his hand inside Logan's larger one. When Logan didn't close his hand around Scott's, he looked confused up at Logan. Didn't he want him? Had he done something wrong? Had he ruined everything?

" I'll never do anything you wouldn't want me to," Logan vowed sincerely.

A very small smile curved Scott's lips and Logan felt warmth spread all over his body just because of that one smile. He did care and he did want him, Scott thought happily about Logan. Carefully he let his left hand close Logan's over his right one. Logan smiled softly and looked at their closed hands. There was no longer any doubt in Scott's mind; this was Logan beside him; the only man he knew who would never hurt him...ever. The only one he could trust completely and just maybe he was the only one who could help him escape the agonizing half memories that sometimes captured his mind at night and held his prisoner within its agony.

" Stay," Scott asked softly and the one word held a pleading edge that Logan had never heard before and never wished to hear again.

" Sure," Logan growled and he kept his promise.

He sat by Scott's bedside the whole night, holding his hand. When the sun rose and Scott awoke from his first peaceful sleep in years, Logan had already left. Scott let a hand caress the linen where he had sat and felt the warmth in it from Logan's body. Remembering the security, warmth and love he had felt the night before being without Logan now made him feel more alone and cold than he ever had before.

Part 2:

"….then Remy said that we could go together and…" Rogue joyfully told of her latest meeting with the Cajun to Logan who sat next to her at the morning table.

Rogue's green eyes noticed the circles around Logan's eyes that meant he hadn't gotten any sleep the earlier night. She wondered why. Maybe he had had another bad dream. She knew he sometimes had terrible painful dreams where he remembered and relived his operation where he was given his skeleton. Those nights his mind would get so wrapped up and caught up in another world and time; a world filled only with pain, that she had from personal experience learned that it was hard for him to separate dream from reality.

She followed Logan's gaze and saw that he was staring into his coffee mug as if it was the most interesting invention since that bobble gum Jubilee loved so much. Something was really troubling him, Rogue was sure of it.

" And then we went to the moon and made love," Rogue ended her tale, watching Logan's reaction.

" Oh, that's nice, kid," Logan just said as he kept staring at the mug.

It wasn't even a nice mug. Just a plain green one without any logos. She didn't know that his thoughts were far away, on Scott, his own feelings, memories and nightmares.

" You aren't even listening to me," Rogue said accusingly and her sharp voice forced Logan's attention back upon her.

" I'm sorry, kid. I just have a lot on my mind," Logan admitted. _Like a certain young mutant with red glasses_.

" It's alright but are you okay?" Rogue asked concerned.

" Yeah, I'm fine."

" Rogue! Class started ten minutes ago," Ororo's voice sounded through the corridor and reached the kitchen.

" Ups." Rogue smiled sheepishly. " Got to go."

She gave Logan a quick hug and left for class.

" Have fun," Logan yelled after her as she left.

As he looked down upon the green mug his thoughts returned to Scott. He was worried for him. He wanted to protect him. If it wasn't because his presence seemed to distract Scott from his teachings he would have attended his class today, just to make sure nothing happened. Just to be with him. He looked at the mug again and a small smile spread over his lips. This was the mug Scott had mistaken for his. A softness lit up in his eyes and he placed both hands around the mug as if to protect it even if it only represented a memory of Scott. Scott. HIS Scott.

They hadn't talked about the night before and Logan didn't want to make Scott uncomfortable by bringing it up. No, he would let Scott come to him and explain when he was ready to do so; as he had said to Scott he didn't want to pressure him.

Part 3:

It was 4 in the afternoon and Scott's last class was over. As always Logan went to his class to walk with him as he used to. Scott would tell him of his day and Logan would tell of his. Sometimes they would eat out with or without Marie and sometimes they would eat with the other X- men. Logan hoped Scott would eat out with him alone and then tell him of his nightmares. He wanted to help but if he didn't know what was wrong how could he help? More than anything he wanted to know if Jack was still alive and if he was….Just the thought made his blood boil in rage. No one hurt his Scott. No one.

He had just turned a corner and saw Scott and Jean talking. Scott said something and backed a little away from her. Jean said something with great gestures. Scott shook his head. Jean went to him, lay her arms around him and kissed him! She kissed Scott. HIS Scott. Without thinking, Logan growled warningly and ran to them. In seconds Logan had Jean pinched to the wall, one hand around her throat and the other hand with claws from it close to it.

" Mine. Stay away," Logan growled while Jean desperately tried to breathe and break his hold on her.

Scott looked surprised and taken back at Logan. He hadn't seen him since last night. He had been worried about meeting Logan again after what he had seen the night before, not because he had seen it but because he knew Logan would want to know what was the cause of his nightmares and Scott wasn't ready to tell him, not yet anyway. He wasn't afraid that Logan wouldn't understand; Logan was probably the only one who could understand what it was like to be trapped in a cross between a nightmare and a memory. He remembered that night where Logan had stabbed Rogue in the chest. Logan would never consciously hurt her but in his nightmarish state she had been an enemy. Yes, Logan would understand how it was to be trapped in a world of painful memories that seemed so real they were hard to break free from. When the nightmares came to him Scott wasn't even consciously aware of what he did, as Logan hadn't been consciously aware he was hurting Rogue until it was too late. Thinking back that night where he had realized Logan was also plagued by nightmares so painfully vivid they overtook ones mind...that night he had first realized that in Logan he had found someone who would understand him better than anyone else.

" Logan, release her," Scott demanded as his thoughts returned to reality and his attention to the scene before him.

Sometimes Logan's temper got the better of him and this seemed like one of those times. To try and calm him down Scott lay a calming hand on his shoulder.

" No! No one touches what is mine," Logan said hotly, rage boiling within him.

Mine?! Scott thought and frowned in annoyance. He was happy to hear Logan so obviously cared for him but he wasn't sure he liked the possessive edge in his voice.

" Let her go. It doesn't change anything," Scott said calmly and tried to reason with him. Jean meant a lot to him and Scott didn't want to see her hurt.

" Didn't….ah," Jean got out and tears formed in her eyes. She hadn't known Logan had become so close with Scott...hadn't even imagined it would happen.

" Mine!" Logan growled again at her and squeezed tighter around her throat.

Without thinking much about the consequences of his actions Scott did the only thing he could think of to save Jean here and now. He caught Logan's lips and kissed him. In surprise Logan lost his hold on Jean who dropped to the floor and hurried away, knowing she would never again try and get Scott back.

Scott tried to draw back a little but Logan deepened the kiss and put his arms around the other man. The demanding and possessive edge to the kiss brought annoyance and an old fear fought in Scott's mind and he tried to pull free.

" Logan," Scott got out and his voice held a final edge.

Logan drew back and Scott saw the rage disappear from his eyes. Scott would never fear him but he needed to learn that others would eventually touch him.

" I'm not gonna apologize," Logan growled and dragged Scott with him towards the kitchen.

Scott knew everything had changed between them yet he also knew that this was not the time to discuss it. He wasn't sure if Logan was all right with him kissing him or if he even thought about him that way. He thought about what happened and came to the conclusion that Logan hadn't been mean to Jean on purpose but simply because he cared for him but did he love him and love him as a...well, as a lover would? He didn't know but he knew Logan DID care so therefore he would let the incident pass but he'll see to it that it didn't happen again.

" You don't have to," something in Scott's voice made Logan cast him a quick glaze but it disappeared so quickly that Logan wasn't sure he had even heard it.

Logan couldn't understand Scott's feelings towards their kiss. Logan had smelled that the other man was nervous and unsure and had let the incident pass but for Logan the kiss had made perfect sense. Scott was of his family, of his pack. He was his mate. Why shouldn't he claim him as his in every way?

Part 4:

Logan awoke by Scott's faint sounds of suffering and his heart began to pump wildly in his chest in fear. Not again, he thought sadly as he again ran to his room. As he opened the door to his room he saw Scott standing in the middle of the room, holding a knife in his left hand and looking utterly lost. He wore only boxers like Logan himself but his face seemed...closed, as if he was trapped in a world only he could see.

" Oh, no" Logan gashed as he saw blood running down Scott's arms from small cuts.

The cuts were made with the veins and not across them so there was no danger of him bleeding to death. As he looked closer he saw that there were a lot of old scars running the same way on his arms. The scars didn't make any pattern but they seemed to have been craved with the utmost care and precision. Logan quickly went closer to Scott but stopped before he reached him, not quite sure how he would react to him being there. It was damn frustrating that he couldn't see Scott's eyes due to the red shades, it made reading the other man very hard.

" Give me the knife," Logan asked softly, pain in his voice over the agony he knew Scott must be in.

Not from the cuts because they weren't that deep but the pain Scott felt within. He knew from himself that if the pain within got too much to bear and it was too hard to explain then having a visible pain on the outside kind of helped. It was easier to explain you hurt if you could point at it for all to see.

Scott looked at the knife and then at Logan. The thoughts that ran through his mind were confused and pain filled. He couldn't explain this, he couldn't say in words how he hurt inside. Suddenly earlier that night everything had seemed to fall apart and he had fallen into deep depression. No one cared, he was a nobody, would never among to anything...just like he had been told as a child. Memories had floated his brain, memories of pain and humiliation. He had tried to find a flicker of light to hold on to, something anything but found none. When Xavier had first found him he had told him to flight the darkness within, to find an anchor. Earlier that anchor had been Jean but what was his anchor now? Logan had come to mind but fear and uncertainty had clouded his thoughts. Logan was just being kind, he didn't really care...he didn't love him. All the pain, confusion and uncertainty had made him do something he hadn't done for some time now; he had cut himself. He had needed somewhere to hurt, something real. It eased the pain within and made him thinking of something else while he carefully craved the cuts like his arms. Every time he drew blood he always stared at it with morbid fascination and wondered how it would be to let all his blood run out of him. Just...let go. It seemed so easy, so peaceful.

Slowly he raised the blade, pointing it at Logan's stomach. Logan didn't even flinch.

 _He trusts me_ , Scott thought in wonderment. _He trusts I won't hurt him._

Feeling like he had broken a precious jewel by even thinking of raising the weapon at Logan Scott took the knife with his other hand and gave it to Logan, shaft first. Logan took it and placed it at the table near by.

" I wouldn't have hurt you," Scott mumbled, not looking into Logan's eyes though he knew Logan wouldn't be able to see his eyes anyway.

Scott felt foolish now, stupid...lost and confused. Logan would surely think him weak and insane now...he would leave. The thought almost broke him.

Logan went back to Scott and gently guided him to the bathroom.

" I know but you wanted me to hurt you," Logan said softly as he placed Scott by the sink and turned on the water. He reached for Scott's hands and Scott lay his hands in Logan's who put them under the water. The silence that settled between them pained Scott.

" I….I needed…," Scott tried to explain but then stopped as he didn't know what to say or how to explain. What he had done couldn't be explained...it was a feeling, something...within.

Logan carefully and gently washed Scott's arms and dried them. He was relieved as he saw that it was indeed only tiny scars. He had known it would be but he had feared for him anyway.

" You needed your body to express the pain you felt inside," Logan whispered softly and the way he said it made Scott turn his shaded eyes at him. How did he know? How could he possibly understand?

" Yeah," he admitted softly.

" It never works," Logan said darkly, pushing unpleasant thoughts and memories aside.

He guided Scott to the bed and Scott got in under the covers.

 _So young and vulnerable he looks right now,_ Logan thought with a mix of love and pain.

" You…tried?" Scott asked surprised. He had always thought Logan to be a strong man. Nothing could bring him down. Or so he had thought.

Logan sat down on the bed beside Scott.

"Right after I woke up after the operation. I was alone, naked, cold and in a forest. I was very confused, I didn't understand anything. I couldn't remember anything. I had no memories. Then the nightmares began..." Logan had to stop as he felt those same memories try and overtake him. Gods, how they had plagued his every minute; day and night. So intense, so filled with pain. In the end he hadn't known what was nightmare and what was real.

" ...and I wanted to die. It was all too confusing. Too….painful," his voice was low as he remembered the worst years of his life.

It was that way he had discovered that no matter what he had done, he couldn't seriously hurt or kill himself. As time had passed the nightmares had finally lost some of its intensity and Logan had been able to begin what just resembled a normal life instead of running around in the forest; lost, naked, alone...more beast than man.

" I'm so sorry," Scott said softly, tears in his eyes for the other man's pain. Logan took hold of Scott's hand and said warmly,

" It's alright. We are together now." When he was with Scott his own pain dimmed and the nightmares lost some of their intensity. Together...that sounded good. Never alone again.

 _Together_? Scott thought puzzled. Did Logan...was there a chance? Could it be...that he cared, really cared for him?

Scott looked at Logan sitting by the bed for a long time before asking softly into the stillness; " Stay with me?"

He moved away from Logan and patted the bedside next to him. Logan smiled and got under the covers beside him. Maybe Scott wanted more than what they had? Just maybe...

" Of course," he whispered and had to restrain himself from taking the other man in his arms.

To his joy Scott nestled up to him and lay his head on Logan's chest. Logan felt a sense of peace for the first time in a long while. He tightened his left arm around Scott and stroked his hair with his other hand. This was his Scott, his mate and no one would ever take him away from him again.

Part 5:

Scott awoke the following night by a scream of suffering. To his fear and surprise it wasn't his own. Logan's presence the other night had granted him a peaceful sleep this night but he had missed Logan's warmth and protective arms. Scott stiffened as he recognized the scream as Logan's. He ran from his room and into Logan's. Logan was twisting and turning in bed, mumbling words of nonsense but with a pained edge that cut Scott's heart. He feared that his actions the other night had brought Logan's nightmares back. He went to Logan's bedside.

" Logan, wake up. It's Scott. There is nothing to fear. I'll be here for you," Scott's gentle voice brought Logan back.

Logan opened his eyes and saw a man standing over him. Without thinking he popped his claws and with a yell pointed them at Scott.

" Logan…" Scott said but his voice didn't hold fear.

Logan would never hurt him, he had complete faith in that.

Even in his nightmare clouded mind Scott's voice cut through. This was his mate. The man he would rather die than hurt. Logan's claws stopped millimetres from Scott's chest. Scott looked with his red night goggles first at the claws and then at Logan.

" I knew you wouldn't hurt me."

Scott hadn't moved an inch. Logan drew his claws back, sorrow and pain in heart. He had almost hurt him. He had almost hurt his mate.

" Sorry," Logan whispered and drew a hand through his messy hair.

Scott sat on his bedside.

" Want to talk about it?" Scott asked gently.

" Not really."

The voice was so pain filled it cut Scott's heart. He needed to talk about it, they both needed to talk. If ever they should have anything together, something stronger...they needed not only faith but also trust. Maybe this time it was him who should take that first step. He had seen last night how Logan cared for him...he could also trust him. He wanted to trust him...he needed to.

" I…..I have nightmares. About Jack. About what he did….About the darkness," Scott's voice was soft and low as he desperately tried to explain without remembering which was hard.

Logan reached out his hand and Scott took it. Holding on to it as if Logan was the only secure thing in an insane world. Logan's touch brought him the courage to continue explaining.

" I'll see him coming for me in the dark as he used to. I…didn't get my glasses till much later. While I lived with Jack I was blind. The darkness was the worst. I didn't know from where he would come, where the next blow would strike….I don't even know what he looked like because I only saw him when I was four but in my nightmares….I see someone but I can't make out his face," Scott took a deep breath and a tear rolled down his cheek.

Damn, he didn't want Logan to see him break down, to be weak. He should be here for Logan, not the other way around.

" It's alright," Logan whispered and gently whipped the tear away.

He wished he had someone to take his fury over the mistreatment of his mate out on but there was none. If Scott couldn't remember Jack's face….Damn, how he would have loved to kill the man, seeing the life leave his eyes forever. Scott seemed to sense Logan's distress because he got under the covers and when Logan opened his arms in invitation, not pushing but hoping, Scott went into Logan's embrace and laid his head on his chest. To calm himself Logan stroked Scott's thick brown hair. Scott had shown him trust...complete trust. He needed to do the same.

" I…I see men, standing over me. They are experimenting on me. It's all very confusing. There is pain and needles and…..I…I see faces but I can't remember who they are," Logan said softly as he continued to stroke Scott's hair.

Scott lifted his head from Logan's shoulder and smiled through tears at him.

" Stay with me tonight?" He asked softly.

Logan wiped the tears from his cheeks.

" Tonight and for the rest of my life," Logan mumbled, hoping he hadn't driven Scott away with his bluntness. Maybe he didn't feel the same, maybe he still loved Jean.

As if knowing his thoughts, Scott placed a hand on Logan's cheek.

" Look at me," he asked and Logan turned to met his shaded eyes.

" I don't love Jean. What you saw was Jean who kissed me not the other way around. I was trying to say we were through as she kissed me. She isn't the one for me, you are," Scott said sincerely, knowing now what he wanted, what he needed.

" Mine. My mate," Logan said, his voice holding a protective and possessive edge as he drew the other man nearer.

Scott smiled warmly at him. His possessiveness didn't bother him anymore because he now knew it was filled with love but also a deep uncertainty. He knew Logan would never hurt him and in time...he would see that he would never lose his love.

" I am yours," Scott reassured him, knowing he would probably have to say it many times still until Logan believed him but it was worth it.

"I love you," Scott said softly, meaning it with all his heart and leaned closer for a kiss.

" Love you too," Logan answered and claimed his lips with his own. Logan pulled Scott down on the bed with him and deepened the kiss.

Part 6:

Scott awoke later that night to find Logan looking at him. He smiled warmly. Logan was still with him...everything seemed so much brighter and better. He had never known lovemaking could be so soft, gentle and perfect as earlier that night. He hadn't thought Logan could be so gentle...nor that sex could be about love and only love; not desire or need.

As Logan's eyes continued to stay on him he wondered why. His eyes were warm and weren't uncomfortable to Scott, on the contrary the warmth and heat in them made him blush.

" What are you looking at?"

" The most beautiful man I have ever seen and he is all mine," Logan said as he looked at Scott's naked form lying beside him.

Self-conscious and embarrassed Scott pulled the covers closer up around him to cover his scared chest.

" No, don't," Logan asked and stopped Scott's hand.

The look of love and desire in Logan's eyes made Scott drop the sheet. Logan reached over and followed a scar on Scott's arm. With amazing gentleness he bent down and kissed it.

" You…You are not repulsed by it?" Scott asked surprised, joy and warmth in his voice.

" 'Cause not. It is a part of you," Logan answered, not understanding why he should be repulsed by it. It was a part of Scott, a part of what made his mate the man he was and so he loved it.

" I love you. You have done so much for me," Scott whispered and leaned in for a kiss. " You have helped me and in time I know…you'll heal me."

Logan understood his meaning and knew the reverse was also true.

" Having you near makes me whole. Love you," with that he sealed their pact of love with a kiss.

Ororo had heard voices and had knocked on the door to Logan's room for minutes without an answer and opened the door to see if everything was all right. What she saw was Scott and Logan bathed in moonlight in a passionate embrace so she softly closed the door again. She smiled for herself. Things had turned out just right. Tonight a bond of love had been forged that nothing could break. A pact had been sealed that no man could come between. Logan and Scott owned more than a piece of each other hearts; they owned a piece of each other souls. Ororo smiled warmly and the stars shone brightly to reflect her feelings as they let a silverlight bathe lovers in their light.

The End


End file.
